nickohlasvangraham
mongdrop spazz
Today I did some work on "Holding You".. some weird echo guitars, similar to "Love Is All We Need" in the way it doesn't really sound like guitars. I'm not sure I like it now, maybe needs to be rerecorded a bit faster and less of a ballad. and is it for a record? or cocking a bout and put it on here? hm.. i'm pretty lost with it all really. I listened to loads of old stuff tonight and I feel i've lost the connection of why I do it and my ideas..they seem more thought out? Although I probably didn't even try aha.
I've been pretty sick at the minute and it's took a huge back burner, so i've just been sorting out my site (www.goodgollyrocks.com) and doing bits of recording, but not finishing them! I find it hard with the site and youtube, myspace type of outlets..sometimes i can be feeling pretty good about my music and such and then get a single bad comment and it can mess everything up..
It's weird to be at a loss and feel shit about something you love doing, but think you're completely shit at doing..I mean i listen to my stuff the most, does that mean my ears are detuned? as i don't tend to like a lot of what other people like and I prefer listening to my stuff the most, as that's why I started, to write songs people hadnt written to reflect how I was feeling.
t'is odd to have label interest, tons of fan mail, youtube comments like : http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U0t6KBJWCME and still to think it's all a pile of shit. 7,000 recordings cause i'm still trying to do something good.
gah..
How insane would this be if it was convincing : "Living alien - Yahoo News"
Or is it going to be one of those lame arse attempts at hoaxing us. I hope we get to see it and not just this conference he's showing it at.
I used to be so obsessed by aliens when I was a kid, mine was partly from some experience, which will be laughed and mocked at, so i won't be saying here aha. I used to adore the theory of us not being the only ones..because the world bores me terribly some times and it's more interesting to me that there are other forms than us, because our life form sucks really.
Await the youtube famous or phony alien!
The 13th Of Never - by Crab Scrambly. This has to be the best comic EVER. I was sat in a park in Kentish Town reading it and it' all made sense. Maybe i'm pretty lame to look for clues in life from a comic, but i don't care! ha. I've not loved a comic so much since I read Egg Story, by J. Marc Schmidt :
It's strange when they just, speak to you. weird.
Ever since discovering him from the ashes of TEST ICICLES, i've loved Lightspeed champion. I never thought I'd see any of the guys from TEST ICICLES after seeing their last ever gig. This video's just...wow. and to have emmy the great at the beginning! He played a great version of this new song at KOKO, but I think this is better..
"some times guilt lays on you like a sword, cause i've been hit, harder than some might say, would you listen if i... think i played it a thousand times or more,
thats cut and the cut you wish you'd never saw,
oh i've been beaten, and when i'm beaten i fight back,
then i ly in a corner with guilt upon my back.
and i sit here waiting and i'm led astray, somtimes you can say stuff that don't mean shit,just because your haunting and you put a spell on it.
sometimes i scream, rolling in pain on the floor.
i always seem to dream of you,
always seem to remember you,
always seem to think of you, even though i don't have to.
but who you is you'll never know, unless you look deep and i guess it'll show,
like a song that you wanted me to write, i just cant put any of these words up
right.
i guess i'm kinda lost now, still holding on my cross and how.
life don't give me no pleasure at all,
suppose you gotta thank that, for all the hurt i caused.
nothing fit into place, the demons seemed to grown, got a bigger space,
to live and breathe fire on me, as i struggle through the burnt debris.
so i cant change any word, i cant change any hurt,
i cant change anything thing i done, to her to her or her.
i can only change the present, which leaves me kinda cut..
and leaves me feeling bad and leaves me in this rut.
but i'm still the same old guy, just i ignore me to close off any pain,
cause when i close my eyes at night, i'm in the room again.
the beating starts again and the words they strangle in,
and the tears they seem ignore, and my body seems so floored.
and food just makes me sick and life just makes me quit.
and my heart is heavy, sad, just leaves me feeling bad.
i can still feel every breath at night, the way bodies seem to hold on tight,
and the bruises still remain, it's just they're tatooed inside my brain.
and the loss is always there and the people still do stare,
and my mind is somewhere else, it's in jailed in the old house.
and the blood still drips from nose, and the knife rolls over my toes,
and the aliens still exist and the ghosts don't ever lift.
and the stories i still write, about the goings on that night,
how i was broken and left unfixed, upon the moons glowing mist.
and i still sing my songs, like the ones that blocked out the noise,
from the shouting from downstairs, that left me disrepaired.
and the wounds they still break deep, im still searching for the peace,
that i promised myself so much, before i was kicked right into touch.
so im sitting here repeating, and my heart i dont hear beating,
because all the love i had has run dry and my spirits seemed to died.
so what is it im trying to say, cause if i love something i push it away,
and if it pushes back i stand still and i'll pop another pill.
cause its hard for me to speak, so now i'll try, and i'll try to reach,
cause i'm sorry that im a leach and the blood has made me weak."
I saw these questions at the back of an art book "illustration play" (which you
should buy really), so I thought i'd don my own answers about my music, like the
artist did (one of my favourites is included - Rob Ryan).
[1] How do you describe your work?
pretty schitzo. can be painfully sad and acoustic or quick and hard rock and roll.
or electro, or kinda dance, or just weird experimentals you won't hear.
[2] what inspires you to create?
mainly pain. hearing something good and inspiring, something i can "steal" from
someones mix. the instruments and mix are more important to me than what the voice
is singing, but i hate instrumentals though aha.
[3] what do you find the most playful and exciting in the process?
turning my drum machine on and setting the BPM to a crazy number. if i'm feeling
low i'll put a low number if i'm alright it'll be as high and fast as i can play.
[4] what makes you choose the current media and execution approach for you work?
anything that buzzes me..
[5] what other medias would you like to challenge yourself with?
comics (sketching characters now), art styled videos (currently doing), write a
book, maybe of poetry.
[6] who in the field catches your attention most recently?
hmm..the new kills album, as they were the people who inspired me to use drum
machines and make one guitar sound massive. the black kids, but only one song i
know, but i love the production of it.
[7] who would you like to collaborate with and why?
jason pierce of spiritualized, or cat power, they're a couple of my favourite
artists. production wise..maybe bernard butler or rick rubin and michel gondry
[8] what would you like to be if not an artist?
a poker champ. and if i could run, a footballer.
[9] please close your eyes and show the first image in your mind?
i'll give you a song instead ;]
I got a comment from a guy on here, talking bout the "a&r" group they have on this blog, that review your songs, talking bout how not to "hold my breath" of getting a chance with them. It got me thinking..
I don't think I ever did think I'd get a chance from them, I didn't sign up with the expectation, I signed so i could stream my new songs and people - if they wanted - could hear them. I became disillusioned with the "industry" when I played to Sony when I was 18 and when I had further dealings with other labels. Not because I had bad experiences of "your no good dude", just because it's a total head fuck. Well it was for me at the time.
"We want this..."
"your backing bands not right..not COOL enough for you"
"you only have three killer HIT songs"
"your songs are too long.."
Ton's of "advice" that can echo and haunt your brain when you're trying to create. I got sick, what the fuck? I've always been sick, I coped to do a showcase, that went well, but gigs got too much for me, sure I could do it once, twice a month, but with getting these comments, which weren't terrible I guess I just couldn't be bothered anymore, I was too hurt. The industry made me bored of music and made me hate it, so i hid my guitars away and just lived.
Then sat in my parents house one christmas I heard a record, by The Hells, who used to rehearse in the studios I did and wow, i got the music demon back, i wrote and wrote and recorded hundreds and hundreds of songs (i have about 8,000 now) and why did I? for you? for the labels? No, for me, a fuck you I guess. These are my songs and hey, i fucking love em' and I could not live without writing at least 10-20 songs a week, I couldn't live without hearing my voice in my headphones drentched in echo, I couldn't bare to be not strapped to my guitar, cause it's my heart and my life and I doubt I'll get a deal and i doubt i'll do all the things my heros did, but it still makes me feel good, makes me feel better. I love it when you like it and buy it and want it as bad as I need to make it, but it's ok if you don't.
I've had so many near "happens" that the opertunity doesn't phase me now or shine a huge torch like it used to. I've had labels I never responded to again as it was head fuck, a label that went under from promoting one of their shit bands who they signed before finding me, a label who I didn't wanna sign to because it released one of the worst huge hits of this decade.
This can be enough, write, record put it on here, myspace, my site . Everyone whose's not in a&r and who aren't know it all "musicians" have liked it, people at the gigs I've done have liked it, people on youtube seem to dig it, so that's all I need, I write songs and people like them and download them and that's the coolest.
On a different note, i've decided to record and write everyday this month (started last night), so recorded some tonight, here's one song "Kiss Me" hope you like (:
So yes..yesterday I worked on a few things. I did my first attempt at singing a song for Jaguar Shoes, it's going well but I need the instrumental track, which arrived today, so will have a pop at it later. Check the site out as there's a song I sung before the end of last year up there "My White Plimsoles". (The songs up now "I dream of somone else")
I also worked on some of my songs. A new song I wrote in March on my travels.."Heavy Heart" I think the rough demo turned out pretty well?
I was also messing round with ideas, one an electro driven song called "Connect A Little Better", but i'm feeling it sounds a bit too "hot chip" who fucking knows. I also had a pop at covering an Archie Bronson Outfit song, "Dart For My Sweetheart" with kinda bass drum and vocals, will try stretch the second version I do.
The last song, which I did a couple of days is a cover of "Calafornia Dreamin'" by Mama's & Papas. It was more of an editas I started it last year on my laptop, this is with extra voices and different effects. I don't think i'm allowed to post it here? But check goodgollyrocks for that cover :)
I'm off to read FillerBunny x
